UNITY IN DISPARITY AND DIVERSITY

UNITY IN DIVERSITY AND DISPARITY

Books on partnership, relationship and marriage are many. But in spite of the volumes of guidelines, suggestions, formulas offered by various authors we are still surrounded by partners quarrelling, relationships breaking and marriages failing or going to the rocks… all resulting to broken homes and rotten ties among people.

Priests, Nuns, Pastors and Preachers of different religious sects as well as psychologists and guidance counselors seem to be unsuccessful in really keeping intact the unity of many couples. This is a reality that is in our midst.

In one study group a question was asked: “What is the most important factor in a successful marriage?” Different opinions were heard. There were animated discussions and heated debates until one participant aired his thought. “I think the most important factor in a successful marriage is longevity. Any relationship that lasts long for what ever reason is successful”.

There was temporary silence as if everybody agreed to that idea. Longevity is the important factor, yes, but then what contributes to longevity in a relationship? This triggered a new subject of much discussion and more confusion.

There is nothing more relevant and more tangible than actual personal experience. It is not enough that couples promise “To love and obey each other for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, ‘till death do them part”. There must be a valid way, a working formula. This is different in different cases. As one intelligent author very aptly say in his very popular book. It is difficult because Man is from Mars and Woman is from Venus who meets and lives together on Earth.

As such there is no general rule of thumb that could be applied to all cases equally. Each couple must discover for themselves what in their own particular case could lead to longevity in their partnership.

A friend asked me one time. “What is your secret that your relationship seems to be very harmonious and successful though you married in a whirlwind fashion?”

I calmly answered him. “We don’t follow the standard rule in standard book of guidelines. We don’t follow hook, line and sinker what unmarried people like Priests, Nuns and Pastors are saying because though they are very good in their books, most are simply not applicable in real life of real people.

If we find it more practical that we don’t always go together, we go separately. If it is good that we don’t eat at the same time for what ever reason or don’t sleep together and do things together, we then do them on our own way as long as they are done within the legal and moral boundaries.

Her needs are entirely different from mine. Her joys are not necessarily my happiness. My interests are far different from her interests. So we agreed to disagree on many points and we matured romantically that way.

What is important is that we are aware of each other’s needs; we are capable of filling each other’s needs and that we are always willing to fill each others needs. The secret of a lasting relationship is simply filling each other’s needs. That way we can be happy united even in disparity and diversity.