OF DREAM AND DEATH

OF DREAM AND DEATH

My three-year old grand daughter had a dream. ‘I was holding her hand when I suddenly died’. My grand daughter Erika woke up crying and shouting: “I miss my Lolo! I want to see my Lolo!, she said.

So on July 17, 2004 her parents allowed her and sister Ariel to go to the province with their Lola to see their Lolo. It was around 7:00 p.m. when they arrived. My wife said she brought home something for me that I must see in the car. From the Terrace where we were I went down to see what it was and indeed it was a most pleasant surprise. Yeye and Ekka kissed and embraced me so tightly that I was so touched and almost teary-eyed

When I asked Erika about the dream that my wife whispered to me earlier, she said it was “a wrong dream”. But I could feel how concerned she was about her Lolo. She sat on my lap and kissed me many, many times.

After they left the following day I couldn’t help but ponder on death. I knew I was already old and aware that sooner or later, in fact, anytime death could claim me for eternity. I was that fatalistic and quite ready to meet death any moment. I already prepared my own gravesite at one portion of my Crude Garden. It was a circular area surrounded by rugged stones with a cypress plant at the center. It was where I wished my ashes would be scattered after I am cremated.

A few days ago I felt a kind of sub-sternal pain which, being a doctor myself, I knew was somehow a symptom of something wrong with my heart. At first I thought of consulting a Cardiologist but knowing that the Cardiologist would suggest several examinations and laboratory procedures, not to mention the necessary treatment to save my heart and my life, I hesitated.

In truth I wanted to die of heart attach. It would be faster and less painful as it would also save a lot of trouble to people who otherwise would be forced by circumstances to care for me. I didn’t want to bother my love ones or anybody as I also didn’t want to spend so much knowing that at the end I would also die.

As a fulfilled senior citizen I was no longer aiming to add many more years to my life. What I was trying to do was add life to what ever remaining years I still have. I was trying to keep busy in my garden. Planting, weeding, watering, transferring a stone from one place to another or just walking around. There were so many worthwhile things that nature could offer but most active people didn’t realize or take advent age of.

Modern young people living in this polluted world generally neglected a symbiotic existence with nature. A lot was missed by unknowingly avoiding the goodness offered by nature.

Jardin Gaudom, a Mini Forest, my Crude, Unique Garden was conceived for this simple but healthful intermingling with nature. Every morning I would imbibe the plant and fresh air prana freely offered by my garden. This hobby kept me healthy and happily rejuvenated.

I could sense that God willing, my wife and I would still live long enough to celebrate our Golden Wedding Anniversary. By that time my grand daughters Ariel, Erika, Tatiana, Kay and Katie would all be grown ups. There would probably be several other grandchildren added to the clan and Erika would probably have completely forgotten about her dream that her Lolo died.

By that time colorful blooms shall probably be surrounding my garden. Scent of blossoms shall be everywhere while trees shall be bigger and exuding more oxygen in exchange to the carbon dioxide exhaled by strollers.

By that time my garden shall possibly be more popular not only for its simplicity but most of all for its healthy surrounding that would help minimize the pollution in the community. By that time it would be glorious to die and my ashes be scattered around the cypress tree in my small circular grave site where I would physically stay while my soul would peacefully zoom to eternity.